Fin.

So this is it: my study abroad blogging journey has come to an expected, but still bizarrely shocking end. As I write this, I'm feeling pretty zombie-like after a full day of packing and seemingly endless cleaning, but have many things I need to get off my chest in order to properly close this portion of my life, and have a lot of personal reflections I'd like to share. Apologies if this is scatter-brained or stream of consciousness-y.

I learned a lot in Copenhagen, not just academically or culturally, but also personally. Last semester, I was so disillusioned at Mac that I couldn't wait to get away, meet new people, see new places, have a new life. However, upon my arrival here, I've realized that even though I felt slightly stagnant at Mac, it is the place that makes me who I am, and the people make me happiest.  I discovered a new part of myself while in Copenhagen - a shyer, less social version - and that wasn't necessarily bad. I needed a break from bubbly-make friends with everyone - social Sam, and I think I found that here. I learned independence: I can go out to dinner by myself and not feel weird. If I want to do something that no one else does, who cares? I can go alone and enjoy myself just as much (if not more than) as if I were with others. Sure, I had a hard time throughout the semester adjusting to a new lifestyle (aka living in a frat house and drinking usually 4 times a week... my liver hates me, btw), but I'm happy I got placed in shared housing. I encountered so many people that I immediately harshly judged and wrote off - something I now regret because I lived with some amazing people, and it took me a little too long to realize that. Fortunately, I saw this early enough that I could form bonds and build relationships with many in the house, but I can't help but wonder what it would have been like if I came into this situation with a more open mind. Then again, would have - should have - could haves are for suckers, so I'm happy with the relationships I've built, and hope to continue them in the coming years. I truly learned what the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover," or its skin tight dress with stilettos, means.

I also learned how much I love my family while I've been here. Of course I loved and appreciated them so much before I came here, but being alone, thousands of miles from home with a 6 hour time difference made me realize how lucky I am to have such an amazing mom, dad, and brother. Having a mom who will skype with me when I'm having a bad day even though everyday was a bad day at the beginning and she doesn't want to listen to me being sad anymore because I know it makes her even sadder makes me feel so lucky. Having a dad who spends his entire Saturday morning calling up friends to figure out what is wrong with the rash on my face makes me feel so  loved. Having a brother who relates to my problems because he's been there and gives you bomb advice makes me feel so important. Basically, Mom, Dad, and JJ, you guys are the best, and without you, I would have been more of a mess than I was.

I attended the DIS closing ceremony yesterday in hopes of finding closure to this experience and partially succeeded. Two students spoke, and they both touched me in very different ways. The second speaker talked about "metaphorical beers" and how Denmark taught him to relax - I, too, can relate to this. I've learned to stop and smell the hot dogs and fresh baked bread. I've learned to grab a street beer on a nice day and sit outside even though I have homework. I've learned that dancing on a stage at a club doesn't mean you're looking for attention - it means you're letting go and not caring what everyone on the dance floor things about you. I've learned that journeying outside of one's comfort zone is, well, uncomfortable, but the rewards are so much greater than the initial anxiety of leaving the familiar.
The second speaker, however, touched me in a very negative way. She talked about how studying abroad was the best experience of her life, and compared it to living a real-life fairytale. Pardon my French, but bull. shit. If she actually had that experience, wonderful, but I highly doubt she did. As my very wise friend Alyse said via skype date a few months back, "Just because you're abroad doesn't mean that you stop living life. It doesn't mean that you don't have bad days and that everything is perfect." Being in Copenhagen was fabulous, but I still had bad days where I hated the world and didn't leave my room. I still had arguments with friends, negative experiences with classmates, and just plain old bad moods. Studying abroad was no H.C. Andersen story - however, it was my own story, and once I realized that things weren't going to be magical and that little Danish birds wouldn't wake me up every morning, I began to truly experience being abroad.

Copenhagen has shown me so much happiness, laughter, and genuine connections with people from all over. So many friends here have made a deep impression on me, and I can only hope that I've changed their lives in some minute way. My visiting family showed me the greatest kindness, and I will forever be grateful for their hospitality. Having a surrogate family outside of Copenhagen was probably my favorite part of this experience. Eating traditional Danish meals, chatting about everything and anything, and seeing local sites made my experience so unique. I'm so happy I was able to become close with one of my "sisters." She's still in high school, but it is obvious that she is going to grow into a woman I will (and already do) admire. When I said goodbye to the Mosegaards on Sunday, I had my first stomach churning OMG I'm leaving moment. Today, when I said goodbye to Bente and Maria, it was the sweetest sadness I've ever experienced. After sharing such a wonderful day/afternoon with them, I didn't want to let go of that, but had a feeling that I would be seeing them again. I hope I will stay friends with the Mosegaards and Hiuls for a long time. While studying abroad is ending, I think I will continue to apply what I've learned from the people I've encountered to my regular life in Scranton and at Macalester.

Overall, this year has been eye-opening for me: I found a huge chunk of myself fall semester, and thank God I did - coming here not having any idea who I was would have been torturous, though I did struggle a lot to stay true to myself (and I think I did a pretty good job!). However, after a lot of over-analyzing (that's nothing new), I've realized I like myself. Hell, I really like myself, and while I've still got a lot of self work to do, in some way, I've made it. I don't exactly know what "it" is, but I've made it, and Copenhagen has helped me get there.

Vi ses i USA!